Swan Song At 25: A 5 minute scene

 



CAST OF CHARACTERS



Juniper Nolan

Raine Jackson

Brandy DeWitt



SCENE 

A house party 



TIME 

The present 





1-1



A living room with a connected dining room. Clearly a space where young people live. Music can be heard, like bass coming through the walls. College aged people are mingling with red solo cups up stage. The dining room table is actually a card table and is covered with various bottles, cups and snacks.



[JUNIPER and RAINE enter from stage right.]



JUNIPER: This party is going to be the night my luck turns around. I feel it!



RAINE: [Deadpan] Your forced optimism is inspiring.



JUNIPER: [Disgusted sound] You’re not my favorite person today.



RAINE: I’m not your favorite person on any day.



Pause.



[Raine is smug.]



JUNIPER: That’s not what I… You’re just…! Why do you have to be so aggravating! Why can’t
you just support me?



RAINE: You’re right. I should be more supportive of your delusions.



JUNIPER: Thank you. Any way like I said tonight is going to be a great night! My horoscope
said I have power in creativity, social life and self. I also used crystals in my
bathwater to get those extra good vibes.



RAINE: Which crystals would those be?



[Raine is picky about mixing a drink.]



JUNIPER: I don’t know some brownish orange ones and a clear one.



[Song changes and cheering sounds off stage.]



JUNIPER: Ugh, my kingdom for a house party that doesn’t play Top 40 shit.



RAINE: I’m pretty sure this song was Top 40 twenty years ago.



[BRANDY enters stage right. Stops to talk to someone upstage.]



JUNIPER: [Shushes RAINE] Oh my god, it’s Brandy.





1-2

RAINE: Who?



JUNIPER: Brandy! Brandy DeWitt! From speech class? Beauty blogger who got picked up by
BuzzFeed? Terminally delightful? Extremely irritating?



RAINE: Oh, that girl you complain about but clearly have a crush on despite being insanely
jealous of her?



JUNIPER: I am not insanely jealous of her! Oh god she’s coming over here, just act normal.



Pause.



JUNIPER: [Laughs] No way! Are you kidding me? That's so funny!



RAINE: [Confused] What are you doing?



[BRANDY is vapid and ditzy. She pulls a cigarette out of a rhinestone covered case.]



BRANDY: Oh, hey Juniper, do you have a light?



JUNIPER: I don’t smoke. Maybe you shouldn’t either. You know since you’re a beauty blogger.
I mean since they’re so bad for you.



BRANDY: Oh, it’s fine, I only smoke when I drink. Which is like, hardly never so it’s basically
like not smoking at all.



RAINE: I have one.



BRANDY: Omigosh thank you!



JUNIPER: Wait, what? You don’t smoke! Why do you have that?



RAINE: For emergencies.



BRANDY: Wait, I know you! You’re that guy who makes all those gorgeous gowns?

Are you Juniper’s boyfriend?



RAINE: Roommate.



JUNIPER: Absolutely not.



BRANDY: We should totally collaborate on something. I know so many Instagram fashion girls
that would absolutely kill to wear your stuff.



[JUNIPER drinks the entire contents of her cup.]

1-3

BRANDY: Oh, my god Juniper, I love your makeup!



JUNIPER: Really? Thank--



BRANDY: You know I wrote a blog post about how the no-makeup makeup trend isn’t going
anywhere, especially since it’s been super popular on runways. Did you read it?



JUNIPER: Yeah, I mean, I saw it. I thought it was a nice use of… fonts



BRANDY: Yeah, I totally could tell since you took my advice on using Milani Baked Bronzer.
I’d recognize that shimmer finish anywhere..



RAINE: [To JUNIPER; stage whisper] She thinks your twenty dollar bronzer is a nine dollar
drugstore bronzer.



JUNIPER: [stage whisper] Shut up! How do you know what--? You know what, nevermind.



BRANDY: [Concerned] So Juniper, how have you been holding up?



JUNIPER: Wait? What?



BRANDY: You’ve been super stressed, right?



JUNIPER: [Bewildered] How did you--? I mean, I’m not, not stressed, but--.



RAINE: Your secret Tumblr you think no one knows about.



BRANDY: You know before my blog got picked up by BuzzFeed I was super lost and stressed. I
had so many followers on Instagram, and strangers reaching out to me for beauty tips
that I was always looking for ways to escape. It usually involved tequila and a pack
of Marlboro Lights! [Laughs]



JUNIPER: How hard for you.



BRANDY: Omigosh it was! I mean, my life was good and I was lucky, but checking all of my
notifications made me want to scream!



JUNIPER: Mm-hmm.



[RAINE hands JUNIPER another cup. He looks amused.]



BRANDY: But I knew I was helping people and that I just had to deal with it. Now my blog is
on BuzzFeed! My reach is wider and it’s so much easier to tell people to just check
out my blog instead of answering all those messages.



1-4

RAINE: Just deal with it is great advice.



JUNIPER: You’re kidding me.



RAINE: You should totally start an advice column.



JUNIPER: [Covers face with hands so response is an audible muffle.]



BRANDY: [Excited] I know, right!



RAINE: You should practice right now.



BRANDY: Yeah?



JUNIPER: Raine, don’t.



RAINE: Yeah! Give advice to Juniper.



JUNIPER: No.



BRANDY: Omigosh yes!



JUNIPER: No. No, no, no.



BRANDY: Okay, okay, okay! [Pulls out phone] Let me pull up your Tumblr.



JUNIPER: Oh god.



BRANDY: [Reading] Okay, quarter-life crisis, blah blah blah. No sense of purpose, anxious,

almost thirty, yadda yadda. Okay, easy!



JUNIPER: [to RAINE] I hate you so much right now.



BRANDY: A lot of people don’t see themselves because they keep seeing the totally awesome

lives of others on social media. People feel insecure and don’t see that there’s so

much opportunity to improve around them if they just look for it. My advice for you

is to remember that you’re not the only one going through hard times, and that there

are other people out there that have it worse than you.



JUNIPER: Every time I hear someone give out fake wisdom like “think about the people who
have it worse than you”, or “just deal with it” I want to fucking scream. People who
say shit like that don’t care about anyone's problems. Like, duh, there’s always
people whose circumstances are going to be worse than mine, but telling me to
depreciate my own experience is gross and harmful. Plus, no one likes being



1-5

obligated to do something. So sorry not sorry that I don’t think you have any real
Advice.

Pause.

RAINE: [obnoxious slurping sound from cup]

BRANDY: Yeah, well, your skin is bad. [exit stage right]

RAINE: Why are you glaring at me?

JUNIPER: I’m hoping you will spontaneously combust.



[End]

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